It’s Never Too Late To Be What You Might Have Been



This is my first time to digitize my handwriting this is why this image is rough and raw.

This year I’ll turn 31, last week I successfully passed myself off as 20 for fun. In a society where success at a young age is highly lauded and people my age are settling down, I feel like I’ve permanently acquired citizenship in Neverland.

I should not have expected my life to be “mainstream”, as far as I can remember I was swimming in a totally different ocean. Yes, sometimes I might catch myself in a school of fishes – making friends and yet not managing to fit in totally. Once I finally feel comfortable to get on  swimmingly along with a group the currents will change and I will feel the tug me towards somewhere different. While watching my friends on Facebook  do the “adult” thing to do – find a partner, settle down, have kids, buy a house and not necessarily in that order – I sometimes wish I had everything figured out. I mean you must have at least something figured out to manage all of the above.

But I have not figured “it” out yet, whatever “it” is. Who I want to become, what I want to be, these are still valid questions for me. Questions that I should not have a hard time answering because c’mon it’s been over 30 years of existence on this planet and I still haven’t nailed such a basic question.

If I close my eyes and really, honestly listen to my heart. I believe I can hear the answer – and half of my reaction is exhilaration and half of it is terror. It’s unbelievable how in a few years my once treasured dreams now have the power to strike fear in me. And I wonder how other people do it.

I have to remind myself not to compare my life’s reel with another’s nor be envious of what they have. Everyone has their own race to run. Mine might just be at a turtle’s pace…or a sluggish snail and not a marathon.

There might be obstacles looming that don’t feel like they will budge soon or opportunities that I wanted but never got. Sometimes I feel that I may have strayed so far beyond redemption and lied to myself about who I am or what I want to achieve. But what’s important is that my mentality does not suffer defeat. That I continue with my journey and keep my dreams alive.


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